My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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