im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
