I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
