You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
