Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
