THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
