Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
