because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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