Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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