I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
