I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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