im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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