i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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