my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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