i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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