I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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