i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
