I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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