Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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