It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
