my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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