I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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