Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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