walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
