...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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