some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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