My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we're making bets on your personal life
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
