That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
whose ass print is on the piano?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
