that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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