laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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