I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
