would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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