Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
