your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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