This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
