I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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