if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
