Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
