That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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