U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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