I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Text me some of your sweat
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