He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
