Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
