When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
