and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
