you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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