i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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