i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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