Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There's always time for handjobs
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
