Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
