i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
