If i come over, it means nothing
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
