We named our party play list daddy issues
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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