I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
