I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
