My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
